Again, duh!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Follow The Liga
Flashback to Marty McFly and the Delorean: Along with the aforementioned Nikes, I was fitted for a pair of black suede/red stripe Pumas at a store inside Military Circle Mall. Brian, my fellow CJHS prisoner and brother, had earlier opted for the Oakland Raiders- inspired shades of black and silver. Prominent figures such as Pele, Boris Becker, Usain Bolt, Jack Black and Rickie Fowler have touted Puma footwear throughout the decades, but no one has ever truly rocked the "Big Cat" like CJHS' own "Fookie." Sure, other inmates like "Mann" and "Pooh" drew numerous catcalls and whistles with their respective Air Jordan and shell-toed adidas togs. The mighty "Fookie," though, made them appear to be modeling Pro Champs. Seriously, it seemed like the legend had over two dozen pairs of Pumas. Following the "rules" of fashion, he never wore the same style on consecutive days. "Fookie" also complemented the chosen shoes with similarly hued Puma warm-up suits and appropriate Kangol head coverings. One morning at the bus stop, he was bedecked in enough purple to make both Grimace and Prince look colorless. If I recall correctly, "Fookie" owned the low-cut Ralph Sampson signature model in gray, light blue and maroon. It's too bad that Puma didn't reissue the version in a limited run when Sampson was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame earlier this year. Did "Fookie" have the foresight to save a new pair in the box for a future date? I'll ask him at the CJHS 30th reunion. Or not.
Returning to 2011, my post-Bobos era commenced with a sneaker deal too irresistible to ignore. The Puma Liga, an indoor soccer shoe, was priced to move at a holiday rate of $33 per pair. Even better, that amount also paid for the shipping and handling. It was tough to choose just one color of Ligas, so I treated myself to a very Merry Christmas and picked two. Did I select red and green as a nod to the yuletide atmosphere? They were strongly considered, but I placed an order for a couple shades that have always ranked in prime slots on my Top Six list. Naturally, I had to go for the classic look of a blue suede/white stripe Puma to atone for the tactical error at Military Circle. An attractive combination of gray suede/blue stripe unlocked the indecision of my "B" pair. Staring intently at the monitor, I spotted several differences between the Liga and its more famous relative. Most notable was the brown rubber sole in place of the white, waffle-patterned one on the original Puma Suede. The Liga's upper tongue was leather, unlike the completely suede portion of the traditional. Lastly, a more defined toe box made for a sharp contrast with the PS' ambiguous part. Transaction completed, the next move was to peek thru the blinds every ten minutes in search of a brown or white delivery truck. What the hell happened to Santa and his sleigh? Oops, I meant to say "heck." Really!
Five business days later, "Big Brown" deposited two cardboard containers on the bench adjacent to my doorstep. The receipts confirmed both packages were from Puma's U.S. headquarters. Now it was time for unboxing! Instead of a regular shoebox, the Ligas were housed in a red, recyclable "Clever Little Bag." Puma's symbolic cat adorned the front and back, while information pertaining to the environment was etched on the sides. Enough about the farmer's market! I finally grasped a blue-and-white "tomato" that smelled of newness and riped with anticipation. Earlier test trials of the Liga at Rack Room Shoes had proved an old line about Pumas "running small" to be accurate, so I made sure to go one full size greater than my usual 9.5 fit. The ten-point-fives felt extremely lightweight and very comfortable during qualifying treks inside the house. Did they perform as well in public? Remembering its roots as an indoor soccer shoe, the Liga and wooden surfaces were a beautiful match made by Chuck Woolery on "Love Connection." On slick floors, though, the worst moments of Roger Lodge's late-night couplings came recurring. I almost cracked my skull on the toilet-in-a-closet at Colley Cantina while barely maintaining a foothold on the drenched tile. To twist an old Alice Cooper album title: Flush the function.
Obviously, this breed of Puma is more about the fashion side of the LP. Recognizing as such, I never wear the Ligas even when it's slightly raining. Sunny days are often referred to as "Puma weather." When not on my feet, they are put back into the "Clever Little Bag" and stuffed with the original, fresh-scented shoe paper. Yes, I occasionally scrub the suede with a toothbrush ... and a brand-new one at that! I've yet to display the maneuver in front of anyone, though.
No more BoBo demotions for this slugger. From now on, I'm in a Liga of my own.
Monday, August 12, 2013
The Dream Syndicate - "The Days Of Wine And Roses" (1982)
If there's wine in Roses, I've never seen a bottle.
Coming Up Roses
In the early 1980s, discount stores specializing in off-brand fashions were plentiful throughout Portsmouth, VA. Needed a pair of yellow, John Stockton-length cotton shorts for an upcoming basketball tryout? The Zayre location on Airline Blvd. had no shortage of the "panties" in the men's department racks. Sought a striped tank top with a color scheme bright enough to blind Toucan Sam? Bradlees inside Tower Mall bore many fruity sleeveless shirts on its vines. Wanted knee-length tube socks and size-9 Air BoBos to compete the baller look? Murphy's Mart in the Churchland section assisted countless dribblers seeking to be like Mike's poverty-stricken cousin. Those uninterested in making laughable fools of themselves on the hardwood opted for "Totally rad!" gear at Midcity's K-Mart. Via imitation Vans slip-on shoes and Nash- tagged skateboards, the would-be Tony Hawks spent hours upon hours attempting to land just one ollie amid cruel taunts from spoiled, Vision- and Hosoi-pushing classmates. Today, all of these spots are long-gone to the great liquidation sale in the sky. One feisty flower from the Reagan years, however, continues to bloom for a new generation of style posers hopelessly out of season.
Three years before regularly acquiring cassettes from the likes of Tracks and The Music Man, I laid down roughly $10 for Chicago's 17 album at the register inside Roses in Churchland. Did this join an earlier purchase of Culture Club's Colour By Numbers (from Food Lion!) as a building block of my ever-expanding collection? Hardly. Though I mildly enjoyed C-17's "minor" hits "Stay The Night" and "Along Comes A Woman" when the videos for both aired on the WTVZ-televised "Hot" music show, the record was presented to my mom as a birthday gift on September 9, 1984. As proof that "Ladies love Peter Cetera," she still has the nicked vinyl to this day. The Soundesign stereo with turntable, on the other hand, was disowned around 1992 for its "Best electronics" misnomer. Leftover monies from the transaction could've been used for the Mario Bros. arcade machine or a bag of popcorn, but a few more quarters would've covered me in camouflage. If Converse All-Stars are the Ramones of sneakers, then the BoBo versions must be the Riverdales. I'm not sure if Ben Weasel would've given my feet the thumbs- up, but I walked out of Roses one day in a three-dollar pair of camo faux-Chucks. I believe the shoes were worn once to school with Bugle Boy pants and a surf/skate- related T-shirt. Before giving the kicks an improper military burial, I used them primarily for walking in mud and stepping in dog crap. With an impending move to Virginia Beach, this would be the last time I stopped and smelled the Roses in Churchland. Or so I thought.
With my sister and young nephew in tow, reentry to the Roses Garden took place on an appropriately sunny day circa 2008. Absences of the popcorn stand and video game failed to pollute an unmistakable air of familiarity about the store. It felt like I'd bought the camo BoBos last week. You health-conscious types probably sport the popular gray New Balance running shoes marked with a white "N" on evening strolls around the neighborhood. Well, say hello to ... Knew Balance. That's right! Roses' take on a classic look was branded by a "K"! Given the assumed name, I was concerned that equilibrium in a pair would be a thing of the past. Stumbling over a swift leprechaun in the Shamrock Marathon would have to be someone else's misfortune. Balance maintained, I headed over to the electronics section and saw an array of boxed titles for the Nintendo Game Boy. Not the GB Advance, mind you. Available carts for the original "brick" system were limited to third-party "girly" games in the realm of Strawberry Shortcake, Cabbage Patch Kids and New Kids On The Block. More impressive was the lot of brand-new Sega Genesis controllers. I considered getting several with the intention of making a modest profit on retrogaming sites. In the end, I let them continue to "Hang Tough" with Donnie Wahlberg and the bald-headed babies.
Early in 2012, I made two separate trips to the old stomping ground. The first was with my mom, who found a Roy Orbison tape for a buck and five white shirts for a fiver. As a fan of Orbison's since childhood, she absolutely loved hearing his shimmering vocals in her Ford Explorer. The "Made In Vietnam" shirts, however, were the stuff of grandpa's war stories. After just one battle in the washing machine's spin cycle, they splintered into many pieces and inflicted their damage upon other clothes in the platoon. Post-carnage, Mom went AWOL on the idea of ever buying garments from Roses again. Later that year, my pal Pete and I happened to be in Portsmouth for whatever reason. We had time for a quick peek inside the store, so we browsed at possible outfits in the men's department. My four-word summation of the shorts: long, plaid and polyester. One might've been the epitome of sartorial sense at a Bide-A-Wee open-house event hosted by Chandler Harper in 1975, but wearing them in 2013 would elicit loud chuckles from miniature golfers at Pinboy's in Western Branch. As for the shirts, Roses must've been a handler of Heaven & Earth's overstock. No less than eight Christian spoof tees used pop culture to proselytize. Reese's/ Jesus and Sprite/Holy Spirit delivered their sermons with a pronounced smirk. Whatever your persuasion, believe in the power of parody.
"So out, it's in" is an oft-heard expression. Roses should adopt the line as its motto.
Monday, July 22, 2013
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