ORF, man!
Thursday, August 6, 2015
The Thirty-Sixth Step
For having a pair of maroon Puma Romas in the correct size priced at $29.99 plus tax, DTLR at Chesapeake Square Mall continues to be my favorite shoe store. Both cups of the three-hour-old, hazelnut-flavored coffee at Panera Bread last night put me in a surprisingly good mood. If you'd like to hear perhaps the best Adolescents- esque punk blast released in 2015, load Fujiwara's "Gimme A Shot" into your chamber. A possible birthday present for my brother Mike might be a T-shirt from the Virginia Lottery. One highlight from my recent visit to a barn in Pungo was the consumption of several lumpia rolls made by Glory's Bakery. I view most memes submitted to Facebook as a reactionary attempt to justify insecurities of the poster in question. If you will excuse me for a second, it is time to save this lukewarm draft beer of a story. During the restroom break, I came up with an idea for a Starbucks-brand toilet-bowl cleaner. Shortly before the band Ride pumps their brakes somewhere in the Greater Cincinnati area, a clever sort of lady or gent should make a "NEED A RIDE TO RIDE!" plea on Craigslist. A magazine called "Southern Grit" ought to contain at least a few examples of local, messy-haired teenagers with large Iron Maiden and Metallica patches on the backs of their worn denim jackets. The potential "Amos For Prez" shirt cited in the last update will now be amended to read "Amos For President In 2016." Because Mike's French fries cast an unwelcome line of a fishy aftertaste, we have put The Plaid Turnip on indefinite probation. "So, is this a thing now?" and "This is why we can't have nice things" need to become things of the past. The garage-grunge shine on "Ceiling Mirrors" by Airport '75 just might turn vocalist/guitarist Paul Unger into Tidewater's most unlikely "alt-rock" god. I support straight divorce. Our local paper, who had earlier extended the heave-ho to an inimitable Mal Vincent, ran a half-star review of "Vacation" from another publication in its supplemental section. Due to hiccups with this $99 tablet from Office Max, I almost lost the last few sentences of my questionably pointless scribbling. Steve Harvey is the best host of "Family Feud" since the O.G. (Richard Dawson, for those born in the 2000s) himself. One answer on the board: Name something that erupts. I hereby retract the negative statement made about Cook Out earlier this year, for that was based on a single onion ring eaten in a car at the cramped restaurant in Norfolk. Some girls are bigger than Struthers. Galaxie 500's On Fire was the first album played on my television after inserting a Roku stick into the Vizio's HDMI port. Arachnophobia has prevented me from looking into "The Deep Web." I just threw a 30-year-old dictionary in the garbage, because it no longer meant anything to me. The only Orioles game I've seen this year in its entirety was when they played inside of an empty Camden Yards. Words With Friends is SCRABBLE with dyslexia. I sneezed and missed Ronda Rousey's last fight against a Brazilian nut whose name I won't attempt to spell. BA-BA-BA, BA-BAR-BARA CIARA!!! Everybody in the whole cellblock were dancing to the Western Tidewater Regional Jailhouse Rock! No matter what, this ends before 5 a.m. Someone is in the kitchen, for I smell toasted English muffins. The "Short Circuit"- meets-"Robocop" failed experiment known as "Chappie" was a pretty crappy movie, but most of the stench can be blamed on human actors. "Butthurt" is a term that needs its ass wiped with a 200-ply roll of Charmin. "Best of all, you could win a shipload of money!" probably wasn't immediately cleared by the censors. The antics of YouTube sensation Angry Grandpa are every bit as staged as those from Vince McMahon's charges in the WWE. "Hulk Hogan Never Happened" written in red letters on a yellow shirt (or vice versa) could be a future possibility at the nearby sporting goods store. The Dictators and Billy Joel have terrific tunes about sleeping with the television on.
Wow, Chris Davis hit a walk-off grand slam yesterday! Thank you, ESPN, for the report. It's time for me to doze off. 5:03 on the nose! Good night and good morning!
Friday, April 24, 2015
The Thirty-Fifth Step
Though the Damn Yankees were tagged as a supergroup, most people wouldn't regard them as a "super" group. It's a good idea to check for the "Made in Japan" quality stamp on vintage electronics. The hazelnut coffee at Panera Bread tastes freshest at 4:01 p.m. There is something very "private women's college" about Edie Brickell & New Bohemians' "What I Am." I would pay good money to watch Stephen Curry launch three-pointers in practice. John Belushi, Eddie Murphy, Phil Hartman and Chris Farley are the funny faces on my Mount Rushmore of "Saturday Night Live." "Like Vin Diesel, I'm back with a quick sequel" was the original introduction to this piece. Boxing would greatly benefit if the guy from Philly were to defeat the fighter from Ukraine in Saturday's championship bout. If you have to create an introduction to a YouTube video admonishing people who pointed out the filthiness of your kitchen, it might be time to invest in scouring powder and a sponge. Once again, I'm viewing a late-night replay of the Cleveland Cavaliers and Boston Celtics playoff matchup. My brother can now boast about how his just-acquired Samsung Galaxy 4 tablet is better than my humble HP Stream 4 one. This article amounts to nothing more than one of my earlier "German" submissions sans the foreign language translations. "Sans" might be a word used by pretentious sorts. Because I forgot to buy an extension cord earlier today, I'm perched at the nearest wall outlet whilst pounding the keys. "Whilst" might be another word used by pretentious sorts. I hope that Walgreens will have nary a problem with putting an "Amos For Prez" designation on a shirt for me. "Nary" might be yet another word used by pretentious sorts. I should probably start walking to tomorrow night's Freedom Hawk/Wet Boys/Real Tears show at Pancho N Luigi's in Norfolk. Being a teetotaler notwithstanding, I found the contents of Mindy's glass of sangria to be sensuously appealing. "Teetotaler," "notwithstanding" and "sensuously" might be additional examples of words used by pretentious sorts. The Hives' "Hate To Say I Told You So" is my runner- up choice for a song to best represent the 2000s. Would you care to join me in "Liking" the Golden Corral Rolls page on Facebook? Other than selected knowledge in the areas of music, sports and food, my mind is mostly a hollow container. If I had received a scholarship to study at Oxford, I would not have majored in commas. Low and behold, there is now a corrected polarity version of XTC's Skylarking available at finer record shoppes! "Polarity" and "shoppes" might be the final citations of words possibly used by pretentious sorts. "I know that's right!" is the more demonstrative daughter of "I know, right?" and the equally excitable grandchild of "Right on!" The time at present is 3:14 a.m. I've never picked up an issue of SPLASH magazine and thought, "Wow, what a great article on that band!" I'm not above using past status updates on Facebook for filler sentences in blog posts. My aunt was a Miller & Rhoads Scholar. Hey, there's another one! Linda Cohn is the Kim Gordon of ESPN. Yet again! When I'm finished here, the empty squares of Suffolk News Herald's crossword puzzle will receive ink stains from a leaky State Farm pen. No hall of fame is complete without Pete Rose. The last one from Facebook, I promise. Don't think you can watch Golden State Warriors games incognito with that head of hair, Cornel West! Has anyone seen Richie around?
If I can find the proper pair of Pumas, The Rung will return to the original style and regain its footing.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
The Thirty-Fourth Step
In case you're keeping score at home or on a friend's couch, my last post on this blog was made nearly ten months ago. 98% of the English-speaking population spells "judgment" with more than one "E." The tablet I'm using wanted to change "goddamn" into "Goldman." If you can't name all 900 members of the group, please refrain from wearing a Wu-Tang Clan shirt. I saw a recent picture of Carly Simon that somewhat resembled my friend's attractive mother. The upcoming contest in the squared circle featuring a black gentleman and a Filipino is at least five years too late. Most stand-up comedians need to sit the hell down. I just enjoyed one final appetizer feast at Applebee's served by the already-missed Laura Lyon. Per the debacle of their concert on Jimmy Kimmel's late-night gab fest, I won't be seeing Van Ellen on the current tour. Why does this handheld device go into ALL-CAPS mode at the beginning of a new line? GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST, THAT'S A LOT OF BACON ON ONE PIZZA! The power chord's inventor should've been among the initial classes of his genre's hall of fame. Thanks to Hillary Clinton's campaign logo, I now know the direction to the nearest hospital. Though I'm an Orioles backer, I'd proudly sport a "Vin Scully Is My Homeboy" tee. To this day, I still can't name a second Modern English song. Britt McHenry's college degree apparently wasn't in understanding where to park a vehicle. Two Saturdays ago, I hosted a lunch party and served my guests a bunch of frozen food. In the words of Gene Loves Jezebel: "BURY YOUR HEAD! BURY YOUR HEAD! BURY YOUR HEAD!" There are twelve more sentences left in this paragraph. I'm about to begin reading a 256- page autobiography from a Suffolk author. Band Of Horses' "The Funeral" is one of the few musical compositions I'd cite to represent the 2000s. When watching a rebroadcast of an NBA playoff game, the result is usually the same. I love most nurses. Dice With Buddies has the addictive pull of casino gambling sans the use of actual currency. This exercise may or may not lead to more in-depth articles in the near future. The following descriptions were once made about Newport News: It sucks to get there, it sucks when you're there and it sucks to leave. After typing "sucks," "dick" came up as a suggestion. It sucks that Peter Frampton will be on the same bill as Cheap Trick in Newport News come August. "Sucks" should always follow "Peter Frampton." The battery life has decreased to less than 6%. My sleeping patterns are often irregular.
I'm losing my balance, thus it's time to jump off. Until the next ascent...
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