Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Thirty-Fourth Step

I'm back on the goddamn ladder again...

In case you're keeping score at home or on a friend's couch, my last post on this blog was made nearly ten months ago. 98% of the English-speaking population spells "judgment" with more than one "E." The tablet I'm using wanted to change "goddamn" into "Goldman." If you can't name all 900 members of the group, please refrain from wearing a Wu-Tang Clan shirt. I saw a recent picture of Carly Simon that somewhat resembled my friend's attractive mother. The upcoming contest in the squared circle featuring a black gentleman and a Filipino is at least five years too late. Most stand-up comedians need to sit the hell down. I just enjoyed one final appetizer feast at Applebee's served by the already-missed Laura Lyon. Per the debacle of their concert on Jimmy Kimmel's late-night gab fest, I won't be seeing Van Ellen on the current tour. Why does this handheld device go into ALL-CAPS mode at the beginning of a new line? GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST, THAT'S A LOT OF BACON ON ONE PIZZA! The power chord's inventor should've been among the initial classes of his genre's hall of fame. Thanks to Hillary Clinton's campaign logo, I now know the direction to the nearest hospital. Though I'm an Orioles backer, I'd proudly sport a "Vin Scully Is My Homeboy" tee. To this day, I still can't name a second Modern English song. Britt McHenry's college degree apparently wasn't in understanding where to park a vehicle. Two Saturdays ago, I hosted a lunch party and served my guests a bunch of frozen food. In the words of Gene Loves Jezebel: "BURY YOUR HEAD! BURY YOUR HEAD! BURY YOUR HEAD!" There are twelve more sentences left in this paragraph. I'm about to begin reading a 256- page autobiography from a Suffolk author. Band Of Horses' "The Funeral" is one of the few musical compositions I'd cite to represent the 2000s. When watching a rebroadcast of an NBA playoff game, the result is usually the same. I love most nurses. Dice With Buddies has the addictive pull of casino gambling sans the use of actual currency. This exercise may or may not lead to more in-depth articles in the near future. The following descriptions were once made about Newport News: It sucks to get there, it sucks when you're there and it sucks to leave. After typing "sucks," "dick" came up as a suggestion. It sucks that Peter Frampton will be on the same bill as Cheap Trick in Newport News come August. "Sucks" should always follow "Peter Frampton." The battery life has decreased to less than 6%. My sleeping patterns are often irregular.

I'm losing my balance, thus it's time to jump off. Until the next ascent...

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